What is pornography addiction?

Are you reading this because you know you have an addiction?

Because you’d like to believe you don’t have an addiction?

Are you concerned a spouse or loved one has an addiction?

Many people don’t realize they are addicted until there is either a consequence associated with their behavior (i.e. someone discovers pornography on their cell phone). Or they try to stop the behavior, and realize they are unable to do so on their own. No matter what the scenario is, being completely honest with yourself and those around you is critical to overcoming addiction.

Regardless of the reason you chose to read this material, our goal is to help you identify what an addiction to pornography looks like. This is not meant to be used as a detectives guide for forcing someone to admit their addiction. Shaming someone into behavior change never succeeds in helping them stop the behavior over the long term. This information is only meant to help you identify what an addiction to pornography looks like so you can better determine what level of help you need to seek.

Our natural, human response when taking accountability for bad behavior is to minimize it. We believe if we can make the offense sound less serious it somehow relieves us of the burden to change. We think that it might reduce the negative reactions others will have and reduce any potential consequences. As a result, most individuals with an addiction to pornography deceive themselves into thinking the problem is not as bad as it really is, and worse, they deceive those around them into thinking everything is okay.

This principle is best showcased by the experience one of my clients had several years ago. When she came to my office, she declared emphatically that her husband had a pornography addiction problem. She had tried for years to get him to seek help and at times he agreed, but he successfully convinced previous therapists that he was only viewing it once every few months, and therefore it was not a big deal. Those therapists didn’t ask any follow up questions, never looked at any further underlying issues and were eventually convinced the behavior was not an issue.

By the time the couple made it to my office, the husband had finally admitted to having affairs and spending time at strip clubs. Pornography was only one symptom of much deeper rooted sexual issues. Those issues were not addressed in therapy because the husband was successfully minimizing his addiction.

Our purpose here is to help you take an honest look at your behavior because only a real and honest look through self-evaluation can begin the healing process.

David Viscott’s statement, “If you lived honestly your life would heal itself,” is something you must live by if you want to begin to successfully progress through the recovery process. Since minimizing the behavior is such a common practice for those facing pornography addiction, in addition to discounting the impact of these behaviors and how they affect others, the focus of the following section is to gain self-awareness into your involvement with pornography.

Here is a list for you to consider as you think about your circumstance:

• When the urge comes, despite your best efforts, you cannot resist it and eventually view it.
  
• You spend more time than you originally anticipated viewing pornography.
  
• You formulate plans to stop, but are consistently unable to do it.
  
• The amount of time you are spending obtaining and viewing pornography or being
  
• sexual through masturbation, with another person, or object.
  
• You’re constantly preoccupied with sexual fantasy, thoughts, or preparatory activities.
  
• Viewing pornography takes significant time away from other obligations with your job,
  
• school, family, friends, church, etc.
  
• Even after the consequences of your pornography use are made clear, you continue
  
• participating in the behavior.
  
• More and more time and different or new images are necessary for you to achieve arousal or the desired result.
• You’re deliberately reducing the time you spend with your spouse, at your work, helping out at home, etc. to make time for pornography viewing.

You experience any of the following symptoms if you crave an orgasm, but cannot achieve it:

1. dizziness
   
2. body aches
   
3. headaches
   
4. sleeplessness
   
5. restlessness
   
6. anxiety
   
7. mood swings
   
8. depression
   

Since pornography addiction parallels sexual addiction, a minimum of 3 of the above 10 are needed for an addiction to be present. However, that is not always the case because human behavior is much closer to a pendulum than a constant point. Addictive behavior exists on a continuum - meaning that a person can progress through various degrees of addiction. For this reason, it is absolutely critical to honestly evaluate where you currently are and where you have been on the 7 levels of pornography addiction.

If at any time while reading this guide, you’ve felt the desire to change your current behavior, if your mind is telling you that you need to

change or things will get worse, if you’ve felt like you can handle your current behavior, I implore you to enroll at no cost in our course Foundational Tools for Recovery. Recovery starts when you can honestly evaluate what you are telling yourself and act with courage to start a path to healing.